If my life were a play....

Normally I write every single day. It's very cathartic and a great way to get rid of things that are bothering me. On the other hand, 14 hours of sleep does roughly the same thing....the only casualties of my hibernation was a missed call to my boyfriend and a half-finished "Earl the Squirrel" story I was making up for my brother. This leads me to my topic of discussion today: I've somehow neglected to name some of the main characters of my life, and I'm pretty sure calling my peoples "the boyfriend" and "my mom" will eventually get old, so I'm going to engage in a (drum roll please) SUPER AWESOME NAMING EXTRAVAGANZA.

In the interest of anonymity, I will not give official or even semi-close names for my peoples. I also will not give them names of inanimate objects (because that would just be weird). So without further adieu, here are the main characters of my life and many of my stories:

My mother (aka: sometimes will be referenced as crazy, ridiculous, or lacking in superior mentality): she is a source of a great many stories, many of them told from a frustrated point of view. She calls me at least 50 times a day (seriously.not.joking) and many times just doesn't get it. She can also be quite witty, although I find she's generally funnier when her barbs are not aimed at me. I think I shall call her Maxine, after that mean lady from the cartoons who is occasionally funny. Apparently she prefers Irma (seriously, WHO PREFERS IRMA?!?!?!) but Maxine it is.

Brother #1: he is not too much younger than me, and favors sleeping to being awake. However, when he is awake, he has a wicked sense of humor that girls generally turn and run from. It's like garlic to a vampire. He is literally the equivalent of a human sloth. I therefore shall call him Cyd. (My mom would also have you know Cyd is creepy and, if he weren't her son, she would seriously question his lack of a criminal record.)

Brother #2: he is quite a bit younger than me, and a lot like me. He's incredibly smart, but lacking in common sense to a degree that is hilarious and very endearing (note: I am neither incredibly smart or hilarious/endearing....I meant in the sense of personality). He likes playing video games to a point where he should technically be blind, but somehow he managed to escape from the terrible fate of blindness I have inexplicably been given. In light of all these facts, I think I shall call him "Calvin," after his favorite comic strip (although I'm pretty sure he prefers Hobbes).

Boyfriend: he has somehow managed to put up with me for quite some time now, and doesn't show any signs of giving up on me. He's funny, likes reciting movie scenes in the shower, and is a serious car enthusiast. I also suspect he hates my cooking (although he professes to love it), simply from the sheer amount of times he opts to go out for dinner instead of staying in. From here on out, he will be known as Leonidas, the character he probably quotes the most in the middle of his showers. (Note: this was a tough decision, because he also loves quoting the movie "Troy" and might have preferred another name. Too bad. Leonidas stands.)

I have another friend who follows my blog that I shall simply refer to her name she has already given herself: "Blog Creeper." Her biography can come at another day, although I may allow her to write her own, if she so likes.

My dad doesn't really come up a whole lot in my stories, but he's pretty damn funny too when I actually get to hang out with him. He likes fishing, working, and sleeping (though not to the extent that Cyd does). I say this because any time we go on vacation, we end up staying in the hotel more than leaving...because it's his "damn vacation too, and he deserves a break." I think I shall call him Danny, due to his very minimal resemblance to Danny Tanner from Full House. Maxine thinks this makes no sense. I don't care, Maxine. (She's pissed I gave her a shitty name and gave him a decent one. Like IRMA was any better???)

So, there are the main characters in my life, although I'm sure the secondary ones will come up from time to time, and I shall name them as they come. As for me, I'll just refer to myself in the first person rather than the third, thus taking away all need for one. However, Maxine thinks I need a name for the conversations I have with her that I sometimes illustrate in third person. She hereby has deemed me "Fidget," the bat from The Great Mouse Detective (apparently because I'm blind as a bat)...although I do NOT have a gimpy leg. (I can do a great impersonation of him though, if you ever want to hear it.) I guess Fidget is a decent enough name.

I think that about sums up the vast ridiculousness of my life....Maxine, Cyd, Calvin, Leonidus, Danny, and Blog Creeper.

And me....Fidget.

May God have mercy on our souls.