A Return to Normalacy

Do you remember that episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye and B.J. pretend to hate each other as a birthday gift for Major Burns? Then at the end, they tell him it's finished and everything goes back to normal?

As DC moves into One Year Later, I've seen discussion of the tone DC is going to take with its stories. A number of people expect a return to more lighthearted stories, given all the talking in Infinite Crisis about how "dark" the heroes have become. Of course, it's a bit disingenuous to have Old Fart Superman saying "You mindwiped people! What kind of heroes are you?" when the dialogue is written by the same morons who said "Mindwipes? That's a great idea!". But that's neither here nor there. Others have pointed out that there hasn't been any statement to the effect that DC is moving in a lighter direction.

I figure DC (and Marvel for that matter) could use some more fun, where it's appropriate. Batman comics can still be gritty, though Batman needs to not be quite so unpleasant to his fellow do-gooders, but I figure Teen Titans could do with a bit less angst. Less Superboy being mind controlled and breaking Robin's arm, please. But how does one accomplish this task?

By kicking Dr. Light's ass.

What we need is the return of Pathetic Dr. Light, the Baltimore Orioles of DC villains (meaning, lots of power/money, but no results). So here's what I propose: The real reason Dr. Light has been so dangerous the last year is because the heroes are giving him a present. They decided to let him feel good about himself, by letting him beat the crap out of them. All that stuff about him raping Sue Dibny and getting mindwiped is make-believe. Light just made it up and convinced himself it was true, so he wouldn't feel like such a total loser. It's not his fault, the heroes did something to him. Oh, and whatever it was he supposedly did to the female, not-evil, Doctor Light? Didn't happen; he made that up too, and she's letting him get away with it, as part of the whole "Boost Light's Self-Esteem" gift.

But now that we're at One Year Later, the time for gift-giving has passed. It's time for a return to the status quo. To that end, over the next year, Dr. Arthur Light must get beaten up, down, sideways, in every DC title. Action Comics, Detective Comics, Teen Titans, Birds of Prey, The Secret Six, JSA, that new Freedom Fighters book (Time for Ray to get some payback. Take that stupid goatee right off, and maybe his nose while we're at it. No, that's too violent). A special one-shot of the female Dr. Light proceeding to pummel male Dr. Light until he cries. Then beating him for another twenty-three pages.

Even Jonah Hex and Sgt. Rock:The Prophecy should get in on the fun. Don't ask me how, I've started the ball in motion, DC needs to pick up the slack and figure out the rest. Because only when Light is back to being the premier punching bag for the good guys, will happy days truly be here again.